Dicuplik dari tulisan Fatimah Khaldoon
FK:
Domestic violence represented by wife beating or abuse is rampant in this country and around the world. While the exact numbers on domestic violence incidents differ, because this is such an under-reported crime there are statistics on which most experts agree.
1. In 1984 the US Surgeon General declared domestic violence as this nation's number one health problem. (US Surgeon General)
2. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds by her partner; it happens at some time in 25-35 % of American homes; 4,000 women die from such abuse each year. (FBI)
Bukan main every 15 seconds by her partner in a Country which has large numbers of Christian's people. And and it caused 4.000 women die each year !!!
3. Physical abuse by male social partners is the single most common source of injury among women ages 15 to 44, more common than auto accidents, muggings and rape by a stranger combined. (U.S. Surgeon General, 1989)
4. In USA, medical costs from domestic violence total at least $3-5 billion annually. At least another $100 million can be added to the cost to businesses in lost wages, sick leave and absenteeism. (Sylvia Porter, For Your Money's Worth)
5.Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages are battered - by husbands, boyfriends, lovers and partners. (Surgeon General Antonia Novello, as quoted in Domestic Violence: Battered Women, publication of the Reference Department of the Cambridge Public Library, Cambridge, MA)
6.Approximately one-third of the men counseled (for battering) at Emerge are professional men who are well respected in their jobs and their communities. these have included doctors, psychologists, lawyers, ministers, and business executives. (For Shelter and Beyond, Massachusetts Coalition of Battered Women Service Groups, Boston, MA 1990)
Statistics as these should awaken all those in denial of the fact that wife beating and abuse is an endemic disease in all different cultures, religions and communities. It is as common in Western as it is in Eastern societies.
Men in Western (and Eastern) societies do not abuse their wives because of scriptural teachings, but because of a natural instinct of domination and aggression. God, knowing this, has therefore decreed a perfect law to help men control their temper and to solve any problems before resorting to physical aggression.
These statistics reflect the failure of modern societies in treating this perilous condition in men. Despite advances in modern psychology and improved understanding of behavioral patterns of men, civilized and uncivilized, a successful solution to this aggressive behavior has not been found by man.
Comment:
Ini cara nya mengerti tentang bagaimana seharusnya seorang Laki - laki muslim terhadap istrinya. Jadi tidak asal main gampar aja.
FK:
A solution has however been presented to the world in the Quran, the Final Testament, more than 1400 years ago, in verse 4:34.
[4:34] The men are made responsible for the women, and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the bread earners. The righteous women will cheerfully accept this arrangement, since it is GOD's commandment, and honor their husbands during their absence. If you experience rebellion from the women, you shall first talk to them, then (you may use negative incentives like) deserting them in bed, then you may (as a last alternative) beat them. If they obey you, you are not permitted to transgress against them. GOD is Most High, Supreme.
At first glance this verse may appear as if promoting physical abuse of women. But when reading 4:34 carefully one realizes that it actually prohibits abuse and beating of women by using the best psychological approach.
Comment:
Nah, ini dia See....the best psychological approach...
FK:
The advise to first talk and then avoid sexual contact, provides the necessary time and space for both parties to cool off, reason, examine the problem and reach a favorable agreement for both of them.
Comment:
Jadi, kita,laki - laki muslim, tidak gampang mengampar isteri begitu saja. Diberi-tahu dahulu kesalahan isterinya. lihat permasalahannya, dan ambil keputusan yang bijaksana...
FK:
Abuse of a wife will NOT happen if the man learns to follow the clear commandments of God in this verse and in the order decreed. Abuse will only happen when a man does NOT follow these commandments, and thus fails to cool off and reason with himself or with his wife.
Comment:
Jadi hanya akan terjadi kalau laki - laki itu TIDAK mengikuti perintah ini, dan gagal ngantengin masalah .
FK:
Sura 4, where we read 4:34, entitled "The Women," is one of the longest chapters in the Quran. It deals with many of the rights and responsibilities of women, rights that were first available to western women only a few decades ago, and some that still aren't. The theme of this Sura is to defend women's rights, and countering injustice and oppression of women. Thus, any interpretation of verses in Sura 4 must be in favor of the women, not the other way around.
Comment:
Ingat, di western saja, rights ini baru ada beberapa decade yang lalu , bandingkan dengan Al Quran yang sudah mengatakan dari dulu. 1400 tahun yang lalu.
FK:
Unfortunately 4:34 is extremely abused by many of the so-called "Muslim" men in the world. While disregarding their own obligations and their own righteousness, these men only focus on the third step of handling this difficult condition as described in 4:34, skip the first two necessary steps and give themselves the excuse to beat their wives. They find support for their misguided and biased views, and for treating their spouses unjustly, in the fabrications of the so called Hadith and Sunna. They thus misrepresent the true Islam (Submission), and divert people from this perfect and just religion for all.
Comment::
Nah, laki - laki Islamlah ayng kebanyakan gagal menerapkan aturan Allah ini, laki - laki Islamlah yang kudu memahami ayat ini sepenuhnya. Jadi bukan Agamanya yang salah, tapi penganutnya yang salah mempresentasikan nya di dalam kehidupan ini.
FK:
We have to remember that the right given to the man in 4:34, CAN ONLY BE CLAIMED when you have a situation with a righteous man on one hand dealing with a situation in which his wife repeatedly commits "Neshooz" which is an unrighteous, wicked and rebellious act. Abusing this law and the attempt to apply it to regular daily marital disagreements is not warranted by the strong and selective wording of the verse. Furthermore, for a man to demand or claim this right, he must first give that woman all the rights God has given her and follow all aspects of the commandment without skipping any part of it. God clearly says in the Quran that He has decreed for the men and the women rights and obligations equitably (2:228).
Comment:
Jadi laki - laki Islam itu kudu kasih dulu hak si isteru sebagaimana yang di terangkan Allah, tidak langsung main gampar saja.
FK: In reality, a believing husband would most probably NEVER come to the stage where he would actually lay a hand on his wife. He would be much too careful to examine his own motives first, as a God fearing man, before exercising this right. As we see in the verse immediately following 4:34, when the marriage reaches this stage it's on it's way to end, as the very next words in the Quran reads; "If a couple fears separation."
Comment:
Nih, ucapan ini buat laki - laki Islam yang krang faham ke seluruh dunia, bagaimana seharusnya menjadi seorang suami yang Islami. Kurang paham maksudnya bukan berarti mereka salah total, tapi kurang memahami agama Islam, sehingga harus mengerti hal ini.
FK:
Most women in the world today do not enjoy the protection verse 4:34 grants them. Instead they are unjustly abused, verbally and physically, by unrighteous men in unrighteous ways, and get beaten up for the most trivial of reasons, or for no reason at all. According to 4:34 even if the husband has a good reason, he is not allowed to lay a hand on his wife until he has passed all the previous steps.
Comment:
See....HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO LAY HAND ON HIS WIFE UNTIL HE HAS PASSED ALL THE PREVIOUS STEPS. So, pahami dulu arti ayat itu.
FK:
The woman's responsibility in a marriage starts the day she chooses a husband. If she wants to enjoy her God given rights, she must obey her God given commands, and choose a believing husband. Thus, she can expect from him to treat her in accordance with God's decree, and not transgress against her. She can expect from a believing husband that he will heed any reminder she gives him, if he forgets. If she chooses to disregard God's commands, she has to know that there will be consequences.
Comment:
Nah.ini peringatan buat para isteri bagaimana memilih suami. Jangan karena cinta saja, atau cinta materi, atau cinta yang tidak berdasarkan keimanan, sehingga tidak salah pilih nantinya.
FK:
If women expect the men's deeds to have consequences, they should expect the same for themselves. These consequences are however well controlled to protect the women from the outrage of the angry husbands as we can find in God's law for the believers in 4:34.
Comment:
Ada konsekuensinya....but for the believers only.
FK:
We also learn that one of the traits of the righteous is that they suppress anger.
[3:134] ".They are suppressors of anger, and pardoners of the people. GOD loves the charitable."
The nature and essence of a healthy relationship between a husband and wife is beautifully expressed in the following verse from the Quran:
[ 30:21] Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.
[3:195 ]"Their Lord responded to them: "I never fail to reward any worker among you for any work you do, be you MALE OR FEMALE, YOU ARE EQUAL TO ONE ANOTHER........."
When facing difficult times, even if the man dislikes his wife, God has decreed;
[4:19] O you who believe, it is not lawful for you to inherit what the women leave behind, against their will. You shall not force them to give up anything you had given them, unless they commit a proven adultery. You shall treat them nicely. If you dislike them, you may dislike something wherein GOD has placed a lot of good.
Comment:
Adakah ajaran selain Islam protection sampai sedemikian itu ?
FK:
And when divorce happens, the full respect to the wife is urged,
[2:229] Divorce may be retracted twice. The divorced woman shall be allowed to live in the same home amicably, or leave it amicably. It is not lawful for the husband to take back anything he had given her. However, the couple may fear that they may transgress GOD's law. If there is fear that they may transgress GOD's law, they commit no error if the wife willingly gives back whatever she chooses. These are GOD's laws; do not transgress them. Those who transgress GOD's laws are the unjust.
Comment:
Tidak kayak di Hollywood, gitu becerai, rebutan harta, ampe pusing tu pengadilan. Seperti Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise.Coba kalau Nicole masuk Islam.
FK:
In conclusion; A BELIEVING wife and a BELIEVING husband will NEVER get to the point where beating of the wife enters the picture. A BELIEVING couple will consult one another and agree on the best way to solve their differences as verse 4:34 and the whole scripture recommends.
Comment:
Jadi ayat 4:34 itu kesimpulannya, bukanlah HAK UNTUK MENGHAKIMI / NGEGAMPARIN WANITA, tapi ada step - stepnya untuk ke arah itu. Dan menurut saya, bila si Laki - laki Islam itu kaffah dalam Agamanya, maka, rasanya akan mustahil bila dia akan maen gampar pasangannya. The matter is not the ISLAM, but the people who follow it. Dan, ini masih yang terbaik langkahnya di bandingkan dengan data - data yang disampaikan di atas sekali.
FK:
We have to know that we are not in this world to protect unrighteous behavior. We are in this world to be given a last chance to make the right choice and submit to God alone. Making the wrong choices will have consequences for all of us, both in this world and in the eternal Hereafter, for women and men equally. God is the Most Just, the Most Merciful.
Comment:
Agree. At Tahrim 11 Dan Allah membuat isteri Fir`aun perumpamaan bagi orang-orang yang beriman, ketika ia berkata: "Ya Tuhanku, bangunlah untukku sebuah rumah di sisi-Mu dalam surga dan selamatkanlah aku dari Fir`aun dan perbuatannya dan selamatkanlah aku dari kaum yang zalim",
----- Original Message -----
From: <aldiy@yahoo.com>
To: <wanita-muslimah@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Friday, March 04, 2011 00:09
Subject: Re: [wanita-muslimah] Re: Akhlak yang baik
Di WM ini kan sudah banyak menyimak ayat yang itu. Tafsiran lain bukan
"memukul" tapi "hindarkan,go away, ngeloyor aja". Wong berdebat dengan beda
agama saja mesti beradab, sama ortu nggak boleh bilang "ah", masak sama
isteri mukul.
Tenaga cowok kan berlipat2 dibandingkan cewek.
Salam
Mia
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung
Teruuusss...!
-----Original Message-----
From: Wikan Danar Sunindyo <wikan.danar@gmail.com>
Sender: wanita-muslimah@yahoogroups.com
Date: Thu, 3 Mar 2011 16:23:31
To: <wanita-muslimah@yahoogroups.com>
Reply-To: wanita-muslimah@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [wanita-muslimah] Re: Akhlak yang baik
kaitannya soal "pukul memukul"
katanya walaupun di Al Quran ada perintah
4.34] Wanita-wanita yang kamu khawatirkan nusyuznya, maka
nasihatilah mereka dan pisahkanlah mereka di tempat tidur mereka, dan
pukullah mereka. Kemudian jika mereka menaatimu, maka janganlah kamu
mencari-cari jalan untuk menyusahkannya. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha
Tinggi lagi Maha Besar.
tapi Nabi Muhamamad sendiri tidak pernah melaksanakannya
"Rasulullah Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam , sama sekali tidak pernah
memukul sesuatu dengan tangan beliau, tidak juga pernah memukul wanita
atau pembantu, kecuali dalam jihad fi sabilillah. Dan tidaklah beliau
pernah disakiti kemudian membalas dendam; tetapi jika salah satu
larangan Allah dilanggar, beliau membalas karena Allah" [HR Muslim,
2328]
salam,
--
Wikan
2011/3/3 wpamungk@centrin.net.id <wpamungk@centrin.net.id>
>
>
>
> -Yg saya tahu September tahun ini pak HMNA genap 80 tahun :-)
> -Yg saya tahu Al Qur'an itu juga merupakan himpunan kisah, kejadian
> sebelum Islam terbit.
> Perkara caci maki kan mungkin kondisi budaya dimasa itu, di Arab memang
> begitu kali. Kalo Qur'an turun di Jawa mungkin lain :-)
> - Kan masih banyak juga yg menyikapi kekerasan sebagai bentuk
> 'pembelajaran'.
> Anak 7 tahun gak solat musti dipukul. Istri melawan suami dipukul.
> - Perkara Ahmadiyah meskipun pak HMNA bersumpahserapah, menurut data,
> kekerasan terhadap Ahmadiyah justru banyak terjadi di wilayah Jabar,
> Banten.
> Artinya menurut peribahasa atau apa sih ya- anjing yg menggonggong keras
> tidak sekejam yg diduga.
> Artinya kan [ saya berpikiran positif saja] kekerasan yg ditampilkan pak
> HMNA hanya sekedar ngomong di milis saja :-))
> Meskipun di milis ini masih pada muda remaja, kan sebaiknya bersikap
> dewasa saja. Kan kalo secara psikologisnya itu adalah sebagai katarsis.
> Jadi lega kalo dah ngluarin uneg2, itu mungkin yg menyehatkan.
> Daripada dipendam terus tiba2 saja meledak. Bahaya laten :-)
> Kalo gini, seumpama di milis ada inteljen, bisa gitu jadi perhatian.
> Misalnya, o di Makassar ada gitu yg dendam kesumat sama Ahmadiyah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Milis Wanita Muslimah
Membangun citra wanita muslimah dalam diri, keluarga, maupun masyarakat.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/wanita_muslimah
Situs Web: http://www.wanita-muslimah.com
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Kirim Posting mailto:wanita-muslimah@yahoogroups.com
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