The Hypocrisy of Society
Badrya Darwish
We always talk about equality between men and women. The topic is everywhere. It is a global issue and does not concern solely the Arab World. Of course, women have achieved many of the rights they have been demanding. They have been sitting in ministerial seats and have headed big corporations. They have been serving on boards and sitting in decision-making chairs in banks and even in the cockpit in planes.
Now I am talking specifically about the Arab world. Yes, it is true. Women in the Arab world could take many jobs. There is equality between both genders in many ways – education opportunities, freedom of movement and employment. Women are working in every field – be it as movie stars, media presenters, receptionists, managers etc. Women in most of the Arab World could be seen doing different kinds of jobs. On the surface you can feel there is true equality.
Deep in heart, however, I don't think that's true. I will tell you why. I still think our society differentiates between the behavior of men and women. I noticed that throughout my experience in life and from the people around me – be it from friends or acquaintances. There is a big psychological gap dug by society against the real genuine equality.
Why men have the right to fall in love and go out with women and society does not frown upon that. When it comes to the marriage decision many of these men are not marrying the girls they flirt with or date. Many marry the old way – an arranged marriage by the family. By the way, I am not against that. My argument is that many of these men do not opt to marry the girl they go out with or even love.
Men are forgiven for whatever they do before marriage. If a woman has even one boyfriend she falls in love with thinking she might marry him and he ditches her how difficult does it become for someone else to accept her. Society immediately runs her down. Even if she finds a man who is liberal and open-minded and does not mind her past, his family might not agree to such a union.
Her reputation is destroyed. Is that fair? You are talking to me about equality between men and women.
Even if the woman is a divorcee, her chances of remarrying are very slim. It is not like a man. He can pick and choose any woman his heart desires and the problem is that society accepts this. But the reverse scenario is often inconceivable.
Equality is not only in job, careers and driving. It is also in feelings, in behaviors and in all strata. You cannot be picky about equality and customize or tailor it. I think this is an issue where the west is not bothered with. I am talking in general. But here in the Arab world it is a totally different debate.
Women who take the liberty, fall in love and date end up in misery as social outcasts. Their reputation is tarnished. Where is the equality in that? Islam does not differentiate between men and women, but society still does.
By Badrya Darwish
badrya_d@kuwaittimes.net
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