A wife or a nurse?
Badrya Darwish
It is a funny topic in an ironic way what I am going to write about boldly today. It has been eating my heart for years and years. It is about marriage. Not any kind of marriage. I am not talking about the normal marriage between a man and a woman who are nearly the same age. I am talking about marriage when one of the spouses has an obvious difference in age.
Why do men get away with it and it's considered a normal and natural way of life that a 60-year-old man can marry a girl aged 25 or 30? Reverse the scenario. If the woman is 60 and she marries a 40-year-old man, she will be barraged with bazookas from all sides – friends, family, best friends and society in general. Her best friends may wish her mabruk but behind her back they will say "What!!!! She married somebody as young as her son! etc"
This is going on in the Third World and the West, not just in the Arab world. Even if celebrities like actress Demi Moore or Madonna marry someone younger, they are branded cougar girls.
Can somebody explain to me what is the difference between men and women. I tried to do my own survey among friends and colleagues and the minute I mention if an older woman can marry a younger man, they jump from their seat and roll their eyes as if I have committed a sin. One of them is our editor Mustafa. While I was discussing the topic with his colleague Velina, he said he should be out of the room because he contradicts our ideas. Mustafa is not the only one of such an opinion, by the way. Many men I queried agreed with Mustafa that it is not proper and it is not the norm to marry an older woman. Keep alone the mockery of society, the family of the man will not rest until he leaves his older bride. The only guy who did not mind was Islam. He took it from a religious point of view. He said that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) married Khadija who was older than him by 15 years. The Prophet (PBUH) was 25 and Khadija was 40.
Even women from different nationalities ranging from India, Pakistan, Europe and Arabia agree that they are used to the fact that a woman cannot marry a much younger man. They think that even if she does marry, it will not last long unless there is some business arrangement behind it. Plus the woman will not live happily ever after because she will be criticized left, right and centre by everybody. Their analysis is that women age quicker than men. Is this true? Does medical experts and scientists approve of this theory? Is it just society and traditions who made this up as an excuse? What do you think? Please enlighten me!
I find it ironic. Even if it is true, I find it ironic that a very young woman marries somebody older than her. I've seen it around me a lot, especially in Arab countries. Young girls at the age of 20 marry someone who is much older than them. That is justified by society. It's OK. Is this woman a wife or a nurse? May I ask?
Have a good weekend!
By Badrya Darwish
badrya_d@kuwaittimes.net
Milis Wanita Muslimah
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