Friday, 1 June 2012

Re: [wanita-muslimah] Re: Muslim women in a marriage bind


Ini mah solusi yang menambah masalah wkkkk

masalah hukum, kan ilegal berbini dua (tapi boleh2 aja punya simpenan asal ngga ketauan ^_^ )

On Thu, May 31, 2012 at 9:33 PM, Lina <> wrote:

Solution : Polygami, cuy....xixixixixi. Ato jadi high quality jomblo.

Biar gak one liner, tambahin deh:

Berarti kalau nonmuslim unmarried men banyak yak? Barangkali krn emang mereka gak mo menikah tapi mo jadi jombloer forever.


--- In, Dwi Soegardi <soegardi@...> wrote:
> Muslim women in a marriage bind
> Muslim women in a marriage bind:
> Stigma, shame, anger and rejection are among the consequences faced by
> Muslim women in Canada who marry non-Muslim men
> ===
> Problem:
> Muslim women face conflict with their religion, families and Canada's
> multicultural ethos because of this devastating formula:
> 1. Islam expects all Muslims to marry.
> 2. Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim men. (*)
> 3. Muslim men can (and do) marry non-Muslim women.
> 4. Therefore, there is a shortage of unmarried Muslim men.
> Solution?
> (*) ".. Statistics Canada census data shows that roughly 30 per cent
> of Canadian Muslim women marry non-Muslim men."
> ===
> Note: Multi-faith Metro Vancouver is a place of high rates of
> intermarriage and inter-ethnic dating. With Muslims now comprising the
> second largest religion in Canada, I'm re-posting this piece in
> response to interest from non-Muslim men and women who are finding
> themselves falling for Muslims. And vice versa. DT
> Vancouver Sun ARCHIVES
> Saturday, Oct. 4, 1997
> Column: Douglas Todd
> The murder this week by Muslim fundamentalists of 11 women in Algeria
> who refused to wear veils was another shocking example of how the
> struggle between religious fundamentalism and gender equality can play
> out in some authoritarian Islamic countries.
> The consequeneces for Muslim women in Canada who choose not to adhere
> to the strict tenets of their faith are less severe, certainly less
> violent, but they still exist, especially when the issue is marriage.
> Like tens of thousands of Canadian Muslims, Amina Ali is tormented by
> her religion's marriage rules. Islam, now the second largest religion
> in Canada, teaches that it is sinful for Muslim women, but not Muslim
> men, to marry outside the faith.
> The 36-year-old Indonesian-born Ali loves her Canadian-born husband –
> but they argue about religion all the time. And in her more fiery
> moments, Ali admits, she has told her husband she never would have
> married him if she knew he wasn't going to seriously try to practise
> Islam.
> Ali and another Muslim woman, Tannis (a pseudonym), agreed to talk
> about the Muslim marriage double-bind in a Victoria apartment, while
> their children played in the background.
> Barefoot in a green polka-dot dress, Ali is a vivacious, naturally
> outgoing person. She moved to the Vancouver Island city after marrying
> her geologist husband, Retno Buckley, while he was working in
> Indonesia.
> Her spirited personality helps explain why she has become one of the
> rare Muslim women, even in Canada, willing to speak about the marriage
> pressure her religion creates on women.
> "I feel I have to tell the truth now. My husband says, `Tell the
> truth.' But sometimes it's so hard for me."
> Muslim women face conflict with their religion, families and Canada's
> multicultural ethos because of this devastating formula:
> 1. Islam expects all Muslims to marry.
> 2. Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim men.
> 3. Muslim men can (and do) marry non-Muslim women.
> 4. Therefore, there is a shortage of unmarried Muslim men. That means
> many Muslim women don't marry at all, which is against the teachings
> of their religion. Or they marry non-Muslim men, which Islam judges a
> grave sin.
> Professor Yvonne Haddad, a prominent Islamic scholar at the University
> of Massachussets, says that Canadian census figures, which are far
> more detailed than U.S. census data, reveal the extent of the marriage
> threat to North America's roughly two million Muslim women.
> Statistics Canada census data shows that roughly 30 per cent of
> Canadian Muslim women marry non-Muslim men, says Haddad.
> About half of those women marry non-Muslim men who either convert or,
> like Ali's husband, suggest to mosque imams they intend to, but don't
> follow through, Haddad says.
> The other half marry non-Muslim men, and live with the consequences.
> "That means 15 per cent of Canadian Muslim women, and probably a
> higher percentage in the U.S., are living in sin," says Haddad.
> "In the Middle East, a woman who does that might be killed. There have
> been cases. People pretend it doesn't exist, but it's a reality."
> About half of Muslim women in Canada marry non-Muslim men who either
> convert or suggest to mosque imams they intend to, but don't follow
> through. The other half marry non-Muslim men, and live with the
> consequences. "That means 15 per cent of Canadian Muslim women … are
> living in sin," says Prof. Haddad.
> Women would not dare discuss the marriage bind in hard-line Muslim
> countries such as Algeria, Saudi Arabia, Bangladesh or Afghanistan,
> where fundamentalists have interpreted Islamic teaching to mean single
> Muslim women must be flogged if found alone alone with a man, a raped
> woman is unfit for marriage and female writers must face death threats
> for saying religious laws don't give women full rights.
> In Canada, the U.S. and Europe, the repercussions for women who marry
> non-Muslims are less brutal than in many Muslim countries, but they're
> still serious. They include stigma, shame, anger and often separation
> from the extended family.
> Tannis says she worries she may have offended Allah by marrying a non-Muslim.
> The anguish and uncertainty of the marriage double-bind for the East
> African-raised Tannis is even stronger than it has been for Ali.
> Tannis wedded a non-Muslim Canadian in 1992. The marriage is barely
> working out.
> "I remember God telling me: `Don't marry a non-Muslim.' But I did,"
> Tannis says, dejection crossing her broad, handsome 27-year-old face.
> "I was doing my best. I prayed for him to become a Muslim. But it
> didn't happen because he was in a difficult time. I was feeling
> regret: Why did I do it?' I was freaking out. But he's got a good
> heart. I'm feeling calmer now."
> Children are the crux of the Muslim law against women marrying outside
> the faith. Islam teaches that Muslim identity is transferred through
> the father. That makes it all right for Muslim men to marry non-Muslim
> women, because they don't pass on the faith.
> Although other religions, such as Judaism and Catholicism, also tend
> to frown on intermarriage, the stigma against it in North America is
> not that strong. In North America, more than half of the marriages
> involving Catholics or Jews are intermarriages, compared to roughly
> one-quarter of the marriages involving Muslims.
> RELATED: Vancouver's Muslim community anything but monolithic
> Which ethnicities do white men and women like to date? Study
> Why do Canadians resist intermarriage?
> Rabbi advises against marrying outside religion
> Due to high immigration, Islam has recently surpassed Judaism to
> become the second-largest religion in Canada, according to Hassan
> Hamdani, a Muslim who is also a Statistics Canada researcher. Islam
> has more than 400,000 adherents in Canada (about 10 per cent of them
> in B.C.), while Judaism has about 360,000 adherents.
> But Canada's Muslim population remains a small fraction of the world's
> 1.2-billion Muslims – who range from a minority who emphasize
> individual liberty, including freedom of religious practice, to the
> large majority who more rigorously adhere to sharia, or Muslim law.
> Simon Fraser University Islamic history professor William Cleveland
> says it would be hard to find an immigrant Muslim woman from the
> Middle East who would marry a non-Muslim. The only Muslims in Canada
> who would dare intermarry are Canadian-born or from countries,
> including some in Asia and Africa, that interpret Muslim doctrine less
> absolutely.
> Alexandra Bain, who teaches Islamic art at the University of Victoria,
> says the pressure to marry a Muslim man creates an additional danger
> for Muslim women in Canada. Desperate for a Muslim man to marry, they
> look offshore for husbands. That leaves them vulnerable to being taken
> advantage of by men who marry only to gain landed-immigrant status,
> says Bain, a Canadian of French descent who converted to Islam when
> she was a teenager
> Bain says her marriage to a Muslim man from Eritrea ended up on the
> rocks – not necessarily because of immigration issues, but because he
> was too bound by his culture's strict interpretation of Islamic law,
> including those regarding women.
> "I love the religion with all my heart, but I don't like that the
> women don't have choice," Bain says.
> Most of the Muslims who have immigrated to Canada in the past decade
> are ultra-orthodox, says Bain. The newcomers are making things hard
> for the relatively tiny number of Canadian-born Muslims, many of whom
> have become more open to intermarriage. The new ultra-orthodox
> immigrants, Bain is finding, are dominating Canadian mosques and
> clamping down on any moves toward greater freedom.
> While the Muslim women sip tea and watch their children play on the
> patio, Tannis listens to Ali talking about how her parents in
> Indonesia don't yet know that her husband has not bothered to follow
> Muslim practice since they moved to Canada seven years ago.
> To get married, Ali's husband had to recite the shahada – "There is no
> God but God" and "Mohammed is the Messenger of God" – an act that is
> considered the essence and beginning of being a Muslim.
> But, as with many men who make gestures of converting to Islam at the
> time of their marriage, the commitment of Ali's husband to Islam did
> not last. Muslim community members are now constantly asking Ali why
> her husband does not attend mosque.
> "I have had to cover for him all the time." Ali believes they are
> judging her. And she realizes it will get worse when her story appears
> in print. But Ali is not too fretful because she knows her husband has
> faith in God. And she believes only God, on Judgment Day, can truly
> know what is in a person's heart.
> Despite the evidence, official Muslim representatives deny that many
> Muslim women struggle in a marriage quagmire.
> Sister Zuleika Hussein, official women's representative at the Sunni
> Muslim mosque in Richmond, claims she doesn't know of any Muslim woman
> in Greater Vancouver who has married outside the faith. "It's a
> serious sin," she says.
> Hussein, an immigrant from British Guyana, admits she knows of Muslim
> women who fall in love with non-Muslim men. But she insists the men
> always convert and turn into devout Muslims.
> Hussein says the different marriage rules for Muslim men and women
> come out of the Koran. Koran 2.21 says Muslim men and women cannot
> marry non-Muslims. Koran 5.5 , however, adapts the rule to say it is
> lawful for Muslim men to marry
> "There is a lot of heartache," says the president of the Canadian
> Muslim Women's Association. She adds that imams won't talk to
> non-Muslims about difficulties followers have with marriage.
> virtuous Christian or Jewish women. Since the Koran is silent on
> whether women get the same privilege, Muslim sharia has declared women
> do not.
> Fehmida Khan, president of the Canadian Muslim Women's Association,
> explains that Muslim imams and other religious officials won't talk to
> non-Muslims about difficulties followers have with marriage.
> "They're only there to give the rules and regulations," says Khan, an
> India-born businesswoman living in Ontario who calls herself a Muslim
> community leader, as opposed to religious leader.
> "There is a lot of heartache if a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim," Khan said.
> "The family will want to keep it quiet. They won't take the same
> pleasure as they would in a religious marriage. Some grandparents
> might start by saying, `I'm never going to see my daughter or
> grandchild."'
> Khan, despite her willingness to admit to problems in Muslim culture,
> acknowledges she is caught between Muslim tradition and Canadian
> multicultural attitudes that are open to intermarriage.
> But she still opposes it. Her grown children aren't married. And she
> frets about who they may hook up with. She is trying hard not to
> interfere.
> At least, Khan says, Muslims won't excommunicate a woman who marries
> outside the faith. So there is always a chance for reconciliation.
> "I know people who have married non-Muslims and the family has rallied
> after several years when they realize they are losing out on the
> children."
> One of the main reasons Khan continues to oppose intermarriage is her
> conviction that a Muslim marriage is much more likely to overcome
> domestic troubles.
> Tannis, despite defending her decision to marry a non-Muslim,
> acknowledges that stresses increase when children don't have a Muslim
> religious upbringing. When she sees aimless street kids in Vancouver,
> Tannis prays that her children won't end up like them. "I want them to
> get away from that through religion."
> As for Ali, she still feels she and her husband can make a go of it,
> despite their disagreements over religion. But she also feels blessed
> that her children have been given the ultimate escape hatch from the
> marriage predicament facing Muslim women.
> She's very happy her children are both boys.
> "I was so scared they'd be girls."
> The challenges for Muslim women who want to marry echo throughout
> world. This is Conservative Peer Baroness Warsi, who was named
> Britain's most powerful Muslim Woman
> In Canada, foreign-born Muslims are much more opposed to intermarriage
> than Canadian-born Muslims – and they make up the vast majority of
> Muslims in Canada.
> Only about four per cent of foreign-born Muslim women in Canada will
> intermarry, says Hassan Hamdani, a Muslim researcher who studies
> Muslim demographics through his job with Statistics Canada in Ottawa.
> But evidence of second-generation Muslims embracing Canadians'
> openness to intermarriage is strong, Hamdani says. Almost 40 per cent
> of Canadian-born Muslim families consist of a Muslim wife and
> non-Muslim husband.
> Regardless of whether one opposes intermarriage or approves of it,
> there is substance to Muslim leaders' fears that children raised in an
> intermarried family could be lost to the Islamic fold.
> Roughly 77 per cent of Canadian children raised by a Muslim mother and
> non-Muslim father do not count themselves Muslim (the Muslim drop-out
> rate is 60 per cent of children raised by a Muslim father and
> non-Muslim mother).
> By contrast, when both Canadian parents are Muslims, Hamdani's study
> suggests 99 per cent of their children maintain a commitment to the
> religion.
> (Feature photo by Baba Steve / of two women by Zanini H. / close-up by rosmary)

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